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Title: Worshipping the Porcelain God
Prompt: Phantom/Misdiagnosed Pregnancy
Word Count: 425
World: I.M. Bored: A Legacy in 10 Generations
Warnings: None
Summary: I.M. is feeling sick with good reason.

I.M. was hugging the basin of the toilet, looking down at the regurgitated contents of his stomach. Corn and carrots. Why was it always corn and carrots? The last time he’d been this sick to his stomach, he’d been pregnant with his three girls. Surely that couldn’t be the case, he thought. He’d been avoiding the telescope ever since his encounter with aliens so they couldn’t have gotten him that way.

But he’d remembered reading on the internet that you could get alien pregnant other ways. It didn’t say what other ways but knowing them it was probably something innocuous like sitting in a hot tub or spinning on a dance sphere.

His stomach churned and he bent over and vomited again. Yep he was definitely pregnant. He just hoped it wasn’t triplets again. He couldn’t handle that much potty training again.

Guessing that nothing more was going to come up, literally, he flushed the toilet and walked out into the main living room. Fantasy was there, cuddled up on the couch holding a teddy bear to her stomach.

“Feeling bad?” he asked.

“I don’t feel so good,” she whined.

I.M. looked around the room. “Where are your sisters?”

“Ani is in bed and Bonesy is in the bathroom.”

“It’s only 7pm why is Ani bed?”

“I don’t know!” Fantasy wailed. “She said it was my fault and Bones agreed.”

“What did they say was your fault?”

“Them being sick! But I didn’t mean to do it!”

“How would you make them sick?”

Fantasy mumbled something into the top of her teddy bear.

“Repeat that without the bear.”

“I tried to make lobster thermidor.”

Thinking back to dinner, I.M. asked. “And why would that make them sick.”

Fantasy looked guilty. “I might have used old lobster. But it only expired last week! And milk is still good past the expiration date! It totally wasn’t my fault!”

Resisting the urge to smack his forehead, I.M. breathed an internal sigh of relief. He wasn’t pregnant, he had food poisoning. He could deal with this. “Fantasy, while I appreciate that you want to help out around the house. You need to remember that expiration labels are there for a reason. Never use old shellfish, you’re lucky you didn’t kill your sisters, me or yourself.”

“But I didn’t mean to!”

“I know you didn’t but ignorance is no excuse.” His stomach threatened again. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go to the bathroom and stay there for the rest of the night.” Then bolted for the toilet.


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