ladylarkrune: (Naruto - paid enough)
Uzumaki Naruto walked down the main street in euphonic content having just finished eating a couple hearty bowels of miso and beef ramen, his stomach cooing happily.

Seriously, thank you opening line to random fic. The tab this was opened in is now closed thanks to your wrongness. I shuddered at the homophone. Went O_o at the stomach. And played try to figure out where Euphoric Content was in relationship to Konoha.

Yes I am in a fanfic reading spree. It's something to do while psyching myself up to start doing staff comps (I LOVE YOU ROBIN!!!)
ladylarkrune: (Beauty & The Beast - Bad!Fic)
Your moment of Zen for today:

...[she] was dressed in a green one piece bikini...

I want to know how. Since it doesn't work that way.

[She] tucked the blood vile into the neckline of her outfit between her breasts.

Ahh one of my favorite Homophones.
ladylarkrune: (Naruto - Gaara - Ignoring you)
Please explain to me why you feel the need to make Haku, Naruto, Kyuubi, and pretty much every other canon male character female? Is it so you can pair them up with your favorite bishonen of choice and not have to say you are writing Yaoi? Last I checked, Naruto was not Ranma 1/2. This is almost worse to me than EVERYONE is Magically gay.

Because seriously, people, it is better that if you are going down that road to do the whole Saki thing like [ profile] askerian did with Sasuke. It makes for a better fic. Rather than - Noone noticed for years and years that Naruto was female when someone had to change her diapers and you have the Hyuugas running around too. They'd likely notice something like that.

Some plot devices = epic Fail.
ladylarkrune: (Beauty & The Beast - Bad!Fic)
I can't classify this. All I know is that I started laughing my ass off when I read it.

The girl was Haruno Sakura, the dark haired boy was Uchiha Sasuke, and the blonde boy was Uzumaki Naruto … or was he?

I felt like I was listening to Peter Graves do one of those old pseudo-creepy documentaries.


Jun. 10th, 2007 01:35 pm
ladylarkrune: (Beauty Hurts)
He took the belt from her hand, and wrapped it around his waste. “It’s perfect.” He said.

Why people!!! Why do you like to put things around your fecal matter or garbage? I mean really people. Just read what you wrote before posting it. Things like that should leap up at you. I swear spellcheck should have a homophone catcher.
ladylarkrune: (Naruto - Gaara - Ignoring you)
From a Naruto fic. . .

He got out two bells and attached them to his waste.

I don't think I want to get them. You two can have them, no really.
ladylarkrune: (Jesus Saves)
The shadow retreated as Shakon stood up on his feet ready to ponder both boys for making him look like a fool.

Has anyone ever been ready to ponder? I mean normally it is something you just do and you don't prepare yourself for it before hand. While you're at it, you might want to consider pummelling them as well.

Sorry, I couldn't resist sharing that little gem.

Also on the spectrum of too funny is Cassie Claire's young adult novel. It is just so hideously bad that it is just funny in a very depressing sort of way.

Here is a MST of the first chapter from [ profile] canon_sues. Go! Read it! Laugh at the snark and unintentionally funny phrasing! Then cry that this got published.
ladylarkrune: (I smell Irony)
allowing the silky locks to slip threw his fingers
Needs a comma after slip and it almost works - although it is probably supposed to be evocative. This is just funny.

had some how slipped so far under his skin that he couldn’t bare to be a day without her smiles
This almost sounds clinical in a very Alien-esque sort of way.

Her words were like a hymen to him.
Okay, not a true homophone. But funny none-the-less.

he was leaning forward as well--headless of the small amount of tea that’d splashed over his cup
Excuse me while I giggle at the thought of a headless person enjoying a nice cuppa.
ladylarkrune: (Beauty & The Beast - Bad!Fic)
Please explain to me why 90% of the fics for this fandom are Mary Sues?

Because seriously, I want to know.
We have in no particular order:
The Female Pirate Captain who captures Jack's Heart
The Obligatory Time Travelling Self Insert
The Merchant's/Governor's Daughter
The Runaway Noblewoman
Jack's Undiscovered Daughter
Will and Elizabeth's Daughter
Will's Missing Sister
Jack's Missing Sister
And of course My Sue's backstory is too cool for you - High School Fics

I mean seriously, I am trying to find a decent fic that is not any of the following and it is bloody difficult. I don't want to say how many Jack/OFC pairings I have seen.

I'll admit it makes me want to write something for the fandom just to show you can write a good story and have action/adventure and even romance and not have to create a Mary Sue to do it.

After all Elizabeth is enough of one on her own.
ladylarkrune: (WTF)
So I'm wandering through Mediaminer hunting for Featured Fanfic quality fics when I find this gem of an oxymoron in a summary.

The two rivals clash, but the battle quickly turns into something Naruto would never have expected... SasuNaru YAOI,consented rape, angst. Plz R&R!

How in the hell can you have consented rape. Rape by its very nature is non-consentual. You can have rough sex. You can have bondage. You can have roleplay. You can even have reluctant sex. But you cannot have consentual rape. Sorry, but no.

Yes I can totally see rough sex being a staple of Sasuke and Naruto's relationship. However, that description just makes me want to smack the author.

Also out of morbid curiosity I clicked into the fic.

Here is an excerpt of what I see:

Cut to spare the bad!fic )
ladylarkrune: (Spirited Away: Follow Me)
As most of you know, I hate bad fanfiction. And I hate it more when I write it. I actually wrote a Spirited Away story and well, it sucks. I don't like the voice. I don't like the plot - if you can call it that - I just don't like it. And Every time I tried to steer the fic in another direction it would thwart me.

This peice of fiction had been sitting on my computer for two years taunting me. I tried ignoring it and it would just jeer at me going "You know you want to finish me. Go ahead, open me up. Work on me. You know you want to." Then when I would it would just stare at me, like we were engaging in a battle of wills.

I had the opening line, and I had the end line. It was the middle that gave me fits. I wanted to write something more upbeat instead I ended up with something that sounded like it came out of 14-year-old's diary. I wanted to write a more dialogue driven fic - something I know I am good at. This fic has maybe three lines of dialogue total. I wanted to have more romance, instead I ended up with angst.

I debated publishing it at all - it is not my best writing and I am honestly embarassed by it. I considered publishing this under my other writing name - yes I have two - no I am not sharing what it is. But in the end, I felt that people deserved to see my crappy writing style. And they deserved to mock it. I am not going to fix it. I have washed my hair of it. But I needed to rant about it.

To a degree I think it has turned me off of ever attempting to write Spirited Away fic in the future. I have ideas - but I will not work on them because of the headache this fic has caused.

If you want to take a look at it you can find it here or here.

However on the positive side, I feel like the damn thing is no longer hanging over my head and I can move on to other fics.
ladylarkrune: (Let the Light Shine)
"I'm gathering courage for the lemon! Bare with me, please!"

Rather than bearing with her as I am sure she meant, I feel the the need to strip naked and say "I'm here for you, sister!" in true gospel style.


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